Hot? Certainly
by les goddam
Summary: CHAPTER UPDATE- Snowing? Seriously: “I think I threw up a little bit just then” Lisbon's hand went instinctively to her throat. He waggled his eyebrows “sexy”
1. Hot? Certainly

Recently I've been having trouble with writers block, kind of due to my 2500 word coursework on Martin Luther King that has been crippling my personal life for at least two months now. So just to show you that I've not curled up and died or anything I wrote this on a whim at 4am in the morning whilst eating countless supplies of bonfire toffee. To all of you who are fans of my **Red Reporting** fic, the new chapter will be uploaded sometime tomorrow so thankyou for all the faithful readers who messaged me over what we'll call the MLK Block fiasco of 09, so Enjoy :)  


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Hot? Certainly

Patrick Jane's brow had become damp, he pushed his dirty blonde curls back from his forehead but the heat remained in his cheeks. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up as far as humanely possible, his shirt was undone a button too many, if the situation furthered it was even possible he would have to peel his waistcoat from his body. And by god in Patrick Jane's fashion protocol, that couldn't happen. If Patrick Jane could pray, there would be one thing he would be asking from god right now and for once it didn't involve a half naked senior agent, all green eyes and dark hair, calling him into her office with more than just filing on her mind. This time, it involved him skinny dipping in the ice cold temperatures of Arctic water, possibly featuring an appearance by the all green eyes and dark hair senior agent. And maybe a penguin.

There could only be one explanation, one word that could explain why Kimball Cho had spent half an hour with a cheeseburger and a small bottle of yoghurt trying to pry Rigsby from underneath his desk with the only ice pack in the place, which he had happened across whilst searching in the first aid box for plasters to stick on Jane's face while he slept.

Only one explanation for why Grace Van Pelt was fanning herself with a mouse mat whilst having hallucinations about a less than attractive copy boy dipping her in a cheese and chive sauce like a stale dorito.

Only one explanation for why Teresa Lisbon was plastered to her office window, clawing at the condensation on it and praying for a drug dealing ice cream man to drive past so she had an excuse to leave the office, pretending it was to stop the drug dealing, acne paved ice cream boy when actually it was to sit in his ice lolly freezer whilst smothering herself with Mr Softie ice cream.

And one final explanation for why Virgil Minelli was tossing and turning in his desk chair, his neck tie hanging loose from the door handle, pens scattered on the floor, and muttering endlessly about the loch ness monster and Patrick Jane.

Heatwave.

If god could laugh he would be chortling. The one thing a heatwave could do, one of its most amazing powers, was to bring out peoples innermost thoughts. Heat made people confused and waves had nothing to do with any of that so just pretend for now that when we say heatwave, we miss off the wave. So really. Just think of heat.

And in a non window opening office building, like the CBI, filled with weapons and overheated cops. Either there was going to be a murder. Or more likely. Just an uncomfortable and maybe humorous situation.

Jane was afraid. Afraid he may die. Death by toaster they had heard. Death by sun? Meh. He was coming close to taking off his waistcoat which would probably result in an outer body experience, which he was starting to think was cool. That was probably, however, just the heat, as in that moment he was also thinking how cool it would be to pingu. He had barely had time, with all the panting and sweating he was doing, to notice anyone else in the bullpen, and when he did take a second glance, they were just doing the same as him. Dyeing a slow death, yet wishing it would come quick. Jane took notice of Sam Bosco, stumbling somewhere out in the hall, if he wasn't so short of breath Jane would have probably laughed so he reminded himself to take a moment out of his day later to do so.

Rigsby and Cho were wresting in the middle of the bullpen, over what looked to be a warm $2 ice pack, with Rigsby coming close to growling and Cho looking something close to a ninja cat. Van Pelt was fanning herself with various objects obviously unsuccessful from the throwing of a mouse mat across the room at a young spotty copy boy that looked like he was been turned slowly on a spit roast.

His eyes scanned further around till he saw the one thing that could probably bring him back from the deep depths of overheat, and soon his two favourite words were rolling off his tongue, Teresa Lisbon. The blinds were open like slits to inside her office, and he could just make out her shadow sat by the window. Her head was laid limp against it and her eyes were fluttering closed. Another two words came into play in Jane's mind at that moment, Kodak moment. He steadied himself against his sofa and managed to push himself to his feet. Once successful, Jane was tempted to shake a triumphant fist at the gods, but held himself back.

He didn't waste time knocking, when did he ever, so he just walked in. Lisbon didn't even stir and Jane took a moment to drink her in before he had to go over there and wake her up, he didn't have to, but he had to, it was in his job description. She was sat on the window sill of her office, knees ticked under her chin, head resting half on the cool window pane and half on her drawn up knees, her dark hair was pushed behind her ears leaving just her bangs hanging loose, her cheeks were pink and the buttons of her shirt were unbuttoned two more than usual. Interesting.

Walking over, he took out a hand and placed in firm on her shoulder, he had planned to shake her awake but his hand thought otherwise and didn't move until Jane telepathically threatened it with amputation. Her eyes fluttered open, catching blonde hair and blue eyes before jerking awake. Jerking so hard she flew off of the window sill, and was heading for the floor. Jane caught her with his left hand, it was spread across her waist but before he could sturdy himself let alone catch her, she spun him around till they were both on the floor. Her, back flush to the floor, and chest flush to Jane, and him on top of her raised on both of his hands over her shoulders but still pinning her to her own carpet.

They were both panting heavy and their breathes were cool on one another's face. Her eyes shut feeling his cold breath on her cheek, but then she snapped out of it, knowing if she didn't change the situation and get back to the slow death she was happily dying, Jane would hold leverage over her.

She raised her hands but the space was constricting. She laid them on his chest trying to push him off, but he wouldn't move, so she settled for fixing him a stern glare instead.

"I think you can get off of me now Jane" He smiled, his hands were holding him up off of her upper body but his waist had hers pinned.

"No" It cam out barely a whisper, and she felt his eyes all over her, her face, her eyes, her nose, her mouth and the shirt she was wearing, minus the two buttons than usual. She squirmed under him and his piercing gaze, attempting to worm her way out from underneath him. He then took one of hands, leaving him balanced on just the one and laid it across her waist. The action drew her eyes immediately to his. She frowned. It was cute.

This time her voice came out barely a whisper. "What are you doi-?" before she had time to finish Jane used the hand across her waist to tuck a strand of raven hair behind her ear, and when he caught her green stare again, heat or not, he had to do something. He quietly edged down to her face, revelling in her silence until his lips caught hers and locked them for a moment while he waited for a response. When he felt her lips move against his he went full force. He rolled them over so he was on the bottom, still their lips not separating, both their eyes were closed and they could have been anywhere in the world and not have cared, let alone her office floor. His hands found her waist and one found he face, using his thumb to feel the soft porcelain skin of her face and cheekbone. They stayed like that for several minutes, mouth on mouth, passionate and in each others arms. Heat or no heat, there was no forgetting this for a long time.


	2. Cold? Definitely

_The response I got from Hot?certainly was astronomical and you know I like to satisfy a crowd so I did a followup, and if you like this one just as much as the other, I think a series is on the cards :') tell me what you think, I did do it however at 3am in the morning, the inspiration kind of came from the unpredictable English weather I love so dearly. Please Review(:_

Cold? Definitely

Patrick Jane was cold, not the blooded killer, cold, but the, 'Oh dear lord I know what those poor homeless Eskimos feel like'. The CBI Building. Not exactly on par with the Ministry of Defence, but Jane had liked to believe that a failing heating system was just part of it's charm, However, he was known to be wrong, and in this situation was, he didn't care if a gold trophy for 'Charm' was given to the damn building, what he did care about however was dyeing from pneumonia. The frost was sticking to the windows like a self-destructing bag of flour, and Jane never did like those.

Earlier Jane had draped himself in a curtain he had stolen from one of Minelli's office windows, the discussion about that hadn't been pleasant but what the hell, for at least 6 minutes he wasn't entirely warm. Jane took a moment to revel in the memory of being able to feel his legs again. He was now laid on his sofa, clinging to its sides like a starving man to a lone sausage. If only, he wished, his sofa wasn't leather, after all the shrill squeak he had let out this morning when he sat on it with his already chilled body, had made Lisbon let out a shivered laugh.

Ah Lisbon, the hot kiss they had shared the month previous was one she had tried to ignore. Jane couldn't however, his thoughts drifted back and he smiled, though this time not at the kiss but more at the memory of his skin burning from heat. Good times, good times.

Rigsby had spent an hour of the morning trying to convince everyone he was breathing out puffs of cold air. Even to the point where he went to Cho's face, took a large breath, and exhaled straight into Cho's eyes. Cho had slapped him. It was literally. Hilarious.

Cho had been pretty calm, even when he slapped Rigsby his face didn't change expression. He was sitting in his chair wearing both his and Rigsby Kevlar vests trying to reheat his heart.

Grace had finished her paperwork in less than 20 minutes and headed for the elevator, 4 hours later and she still hadn't returned. Jane took a minute to hope she wasn't dead.

Lisbon was another story, she had tried to maintain a cool exterior, pretending the cold wasn't getting to her when really Jane knew that every time she went to the copy room, she was rubbing up against the machine and pressing her cheek to it's warm working frame. Just thinking about Lisbon, Jane had an idea about how he could manage to melt the layer of ice on his skin off. Standing up, Jane found he was still in a sitting position and counted to three in his head before standing upright. Letting out a groan of pain and a "Ooooh" at the pleasure of his bones rubbing against eachother, heating for a brief moment, then it was back to the groan of pain.

Making his way to Lisbon's office, Jane couldn't help but stare at his feet, he had made a point of tucking his trousers into his socks, to maintain warmth but noted that really it just made him look like an overdressed and ruggedly handsome gangsta who wore dress shoes. Walking past Rigsby who was currently pressing the bulb from his desk lamp to his face, Jane could see Lisbon through the blinds into her office, she had post it notes stuck to her hands and was slowly dipping them into her coffee, the way peoples minds work he thought, catching his sock covered trousers again, and the way he had his vest back to front (radiating the warmth he had claimed, when really he just wanted to put some sunglasses on the back of his head and walk backwards like back to back Siamese twins).

He didn't bother to knock, firstly, because he never did, and secondly because he couldn't move his hand. Walking in Jane nearly jumped at what he saw, Lisbon had covered her face in her hair, and if it wasn't cute it was damn freaky. Spitting out some hair from the front of her mouth but still not moving the rest, Lisbon spoke.

"What do you want J-Jane?"

"I had an idea about how to radiate warmth but if your too busy dyeing, I can come back later, though I fear you may have frozen so my apologies if I don't bother"

Lisbon quickly blew all the hair from her face in one exhale, and Jane noted how cute it looked ruffled.

"Radiate warmth? I don't care what your idea is Jane I just need to get warm!" she stood up quickly and Jane stepped back at how wide her eyes had gotten. Her hands came down hard on the table and if he wasn't scared he would have most likely been aroused.

"I don't care if we strip naked and tussle on the floor, as long as I can feel my face, im practically riveted" Jane raised an eyebrow, now he was aroused. Lisbon however, was still heavily panting and wide eyed.

"I think we could just forget about my idea and go with your-"

"Jane!"

"Okay woman. I'll tell you my idea, at first it was to build an iglu out of desk chairs and post it notes but that quickly turned sour because Rigsby wouldn't move ad I couldn't lift him, so I came up with another." Lisbon smirked and raised her eyebrows as her stomach went warm at the funny little man in front of her.

"What's the master plan Q?" Jane sheepishly smiled and edged around the desk, Lisbon turned with every move he made until they were directly facing eachother. She turned her head in question and he lowered his. Moving forward he wrapped his arms around her waist gently and moved his hands under her shirt. He pressed the palms of his hands flush to the skin of her back, and Lisbon felt the skin under his hands warm immediately. She went along with his plan hesitantly tucking her hands underneath his waistcoat and pressing her hands flat like his. Her cheek met his chest and the burning sensation she felt made her lean further into him. His face came to lay in her hair, subconsciously smelling it before closing his eyes, both of them revelling in the warmth.

Jane knew, just like the Heatwave incident that everything that had gone on in her office today wouldn't be mentioned again, and he couldn't help but wonder, when there would be another weather situation that they could mention.

**That is kind of a hint at a sequel but I wanted to make sure that you want me to continue, my sense of humour kind of shows a lot through this fic, so I didn't really think anyone at all would get it, so im so glad you like Hot? Certainly and I hope you like this followup chapter :') review and tell me, I like to hear about what makes you laugh**

**Love&Peace, Charlie3**


	3. Wet? Of course

Wet? Of course

Jesus Christ it was raining. If Jane didn't have more sense he would have expected Noah's ark to sail around the corner. Jane choked back a laugh as he let his imagination stretch far enough to see a bearded man upon an ark, stuck at a red light muttering about 'God Damn traffic'. He regained his composure again and looked around him. They were stuck, the precious SUV had broken down and it was raining so much he could barely see.

Van Pelt had took one step outside the car before her incessant whimpering started and Jane had practically forced her back inside the car with a well placed foot and quick reflexes, due to irritation. The others, including himself had decided to stay outside, and Jane had to admit he felt pretty brave, all he had to do was stick his chest out and he was pretty sure his bravery was on par with William Wallace.

His eyes caught Rigsby, he had tied his shirt tie over his eyes to stop the rain from getting in them complaining that he could catch glaucoma, Jane hadn't bothered to tell him that he less chance of catching It by stapling his eyes, but he had come to enjoy Rigsby looking like a psychotic dad with the personality of a five year old and almost wanted him to pull out a hat place it on the floor and start strumming an air guitar. But, beggars can't be choosers.

Cho's face was streaming, and his scowl wasn't exactly subtle, every now and then he'd tap his foot, look at Lisbon, then the SUV and shake his little head. Even to the point where Lisbon threw down her jacket opened her arms and said "What do you want me to do Cho, build a canoe out of imaginary driftwood and sail us back to civilisation" Jane had found this pretty funny. His vision caught Cho again, his eyes looked red and puffy and the rain drops streaming his face made him look like a heartbroken Disney Princess.

Van Pelt's face was now pressed against the window, looking sympathetically out, her sympathy didn't stretch far enough to come join them in the rain, but according to her, she didn't like wet things. They way she had said it was like describing a flannel but Jane had refrained from commenting.

His mind drifted back to Lisbon again, like her imaginary canoe, and he turned to see her screaming down the phone again, probably forcing whoever the poor soul she was talking to, into a nervous breakdown. He had remembered what she had said when they decided to get out of the car and hitch-hike.

"_But Boss, it's raining Cats and dog's"_

"_Yeah Rigsby, small animals are often thrown from the sky. Do you remember last time, when that tabby hit the windshield. Murder it was." Jane laughed but a stern glance from Rigsby forced him to look elsewhere, still laughing though._

"_Come on Lisbon, no one wants to stand in the rain. It doesn't even look like rain anymore, more like a sheet of depression clouding Sacramento."_

"_The poetry of your words impresses me Jane, but were still getting out of the car. Cheer up guys the rains kinda peaceful"_

Jane smiled at the memory of 6 minutes previous, the image of Lisbon now, kicking weeds like a crazed tramp with a plant phobia, wasn't peaceful. Ahh, he did love it when the woman was wrong.

The tow truck arrived 15 minutes later, Cho had spent 10 minutes peeling Rigsby's tie from his face threatening that one of his eyebrows was sure to come off in the process. No such luck. Van Pelt was smiling and bone dry. Lisbon was in her office, probably strapped to her radiator trying to dry her shrunken shirt. And Jane, well he had taken his vest off which was a very large mistake, see the part of his shirt that was covered by his waistcoat was dry, yet the other parts wasn't. So Jane, now looked like he had two very large sweat patches on the side of his shirt.

Jane was now bored, he had been warned not to sit on his sofa because leather and rain apparently didn't mix well, so Jane did was he usually did. He headed for one Teresa Lisbon's office.

Walking in, he found her stood in the middle of her office, arms out and spinning them like a very bad yoga instructor, or some mysterious bishop. She stopped when he walked in, her hair was drenched, curling at the bottom and tussled at the top. Her face was stuck in a pout and her eyes looked bright.

"I'm Wet"

"Well I have been known to have that effect on women" Lisbon's mouth curled into a scowl and she headed back around her desk.

"Urggh, you disgust me sometimes."

"I've been known to have that effect on women also." She tried to stop a smile but it was already out.

"Ahhhh" he pointed at her smiling "i made you smile" he said in sing-song voice that could have rivalled Barney.

"It seems so yes" Jane sat in the chair opposite her bobbing his head to non-existent music.

"You know what Lisbon, I've been quite curious. It seems that, in the past month there have been two incidents, that you have failed to mention. So, if I'm going to have to suffer in silence because your too embarrassed to bring them up. Then I'm going to leave now" Lisbon stood up pulling her eyebrows into a cute little frown that made Jane stop halfway to the door.

"Fine. But take this with you." She walked around the desk hesitantly the cute frown still in place. Standing in front of him she put her hands gently across his shoulders, stepping on her tiptoes, Jane made sure to keep her steady by putting his hand flat to the small of her back. She kept eye contact, and Jane bowed his eyes slightly as their lips met. They stayed glued for all of 5 seconds before their mouths started moving in slow, passionate sync. A wet tendril of hair began to drip on Jane's shoulder and he couldn't help but smile beneath her lips. _Why was it always the weather with them? And this time, would they talk about?_

**HEY GUYS! Sorry it's been so long but the good news is, Ive written 5 follow ups to publish in due course if this one gets more than 10 reviews :D. I have gooood news, ive gotten into college, John Leggott college which is in the 20% of top schools in Britain. Can I get a 'woop woop'**

**Love&Peace**

**Charlie**


	4. Snowing? Seriously

Snowing? Seriously 

Snowing. It was seriously snowing. The sky was literally clouded with the frozen tears of the devil. Every time you took a step outside your shoulders were caked in what looked like, a serious case of dandruff. Patrick Jane hated snow, it appeared in it's angelic form of pure white with its soft texture but when the tables turned and it really came down, you would find yourself stuck on the motorway with a vicious soccer mom pounding your eardrums with her horn while the snow fell down in all its seemingly innocence.

Rigsby had came bundling into the building like a Bambi-fied giraffe; terribly un-graceful, clapping his hands and his head covered in a motherly knitted bobble hat. Cho had refused to participate in snow fun until Rigsby had pulled him into the elevator by his wheeled office chair and practically bribed him with his next paycheck to 'come play'.

Van Pelt found the whole thing festive, and had to be reminded by Jane that drunk Santa's and snowy Decembers were festive, however snow ploughs in February were not.

Lisbon was another story, appearing in the doorway like a disheartened tinker bell, and wafting her Rudolph decorated coffee mug in the air like a traffic controller, asking god if the dawn of the new age was coming.

Jane stood and sauntered to the window, hoping to catch whatever Rigsby had roped Cho into and found that Cho had locked him in a hand built igloo, and was looking very pleased with his efforts as Rigsby's shaking cries were heard from within it's icy walls. Chuckling to himself Jane's thoughts drifted back to little Miss Christmas who was currently either choking the copy boy with leftover tinsel or burning down an orphanage.

Rigsby had escaped from the igloo and had attempted to make his way up to the office, begging Cho to grab a hair dryer and met away his icy second skin.

Van Pelt was looking seductively at Rigsby almost like his likeness to a frozen woodland creature turned her on, and for a moment Jane almost worried for Lisbon's sanity if she came out to find Van Pelt tearing off Rigsby's clothes and yelling like she was Tarzan.

It had seemed like last months rainstorm had been forgotten, again, and Jane couldn't help but wonder how many times he and Lisbon would keep doing this. Would it take a hurricane for her to finally admit how she felt about him, because if the pattern of weather was right, maybe his look was in with all this snow, but glancing through the blinds into her office, it didn't look likely. Lisbon was on the verge of pulling off her earlobes and Jane didn't have a clue why.

"Lisbon?" He walked in uninvited to her office, spotting that she hadn't even noticed his presence and was staring wildly into space like she was expecting the next ice age to come round the corner, a woolly mammoth ahead of the parade.

"Lisbon" Her attention was still not focused on him, and Jane wondered whether he'd have to do a 3 piece suited strip tease to own her attention. He walked around the table and grasped Lisbon's shoulders with his hands feeling very pleased with himself as he brought her from the chair. Shaking her a couple of times he took a finger and guided with her chin, her face to look directly into his.

"Lisbon"

"Huh"

"There you are" She looked lost.

"You okay, you don't seem yourself" She batted away his hands from her upper arms and frowned distancing herself from him.

"I'm fine Jane, snows making me a little cold that's all"

He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive tone "We could remedy that, all I'd need is your clothes, my clothes, a jar of honey and an empty closet"

She arched an eyebrow "Anything else?" He brought a finger to his chin looking almost deep in thought.

"A circus midget but we could manage without if it was entirely necessary"

"I think I threw up a little bit just then" Her hand went instinctively to her throat

He waggled his eyebrows "sexy"

"Urrrrggh! You drive me crazy"

"Sexy crazy?" She looked at him in disgust, but he couldn't ignore the small smile playing on her lips as she fought to remain serious.

"I can't understand how your mind works"

"In mysterious ways Lisbon. Mysterious ways." He took his usual seat in front of the desk and she mirrored the action.

"What's with all the snow themed angst?" Lisbon's frown deepened and Jane couldn't help but find it thoroughly attractive.

"My mom. The roads, they were icy when she had her, accident. I know, I know it was the driver wasted on gin that killed her but I sometimes just can't help but picture all these different scenarios like, if it wasn't icy that day she might have been driving quicker and have missed the guy all together."

"Sweet Lisbon. You can't remedy all the worlds problems and you can't turn back time, believe me if that were possible i'd be the first one to attempt it." she looked sympathetically at him "but you have to stop. Stop trying to find ways to blame yourself. Believe me, I know" He stood from his chair and walked around the desk, taking a now watery eyed Lisbon into his arms and softening her hair therapeutically.

"So just a hug this time eh? Wow, I thought snow would double my chan-" She punched him hard in the side, winding him and cutting off the rest of his sentence.

"Guess not" his voice came out in a raspy, breathless whisper, but the soft giggles of Lisbon tangled in his arms was just enough to make him forget that maybe not even an ice age could bring them together, but who knew. The weathers always around, and it's always surprising.

_Hey guys! Sorry about the long wait for an update it took me a couple of weeks to piece this one together. It isn't my strongest piece of writing and compared to the other chapters of this fic that ive pre-written it's not the best but I uploaded this one first as a homage to the recent snow storms in Britain. It's been pretty fun and I wanted to put a little of that across but also make this chapter a step closer between Lisbon and Jane :) so now i've made some progress with them, you shall be getting plenty more weather fun in the next chapter. Tehe. _

_Love&Peace_

_Charlie (:_


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